Difficulty making friends

Difficulty making friends

"Have you made any friends yet? Just go out and meet people! I'm still best mates with the people I lived with in first year! Just make friends with the people on your course, it's easy!"

Does any of this sound familiar? Advice on making friends is so easy to give, but can seem impossible to follow. How do you 'just make friends'? What if you're shy? What if you have nothing in common with your flatmates?

Don't worry, although it's not as easy as some make out, making friends in University is achievable for everyone and you could make casual mates to help you get through the next few months, as well as friends for life.

What is it all about?

Making friends at University isn’t easy for everyone. We are all constantly working to improve our social skills in new situations and the more experience we get the easier it becomes. Meeting new people is scary! There's a reason why so many students drink a lot in the first few months of term, alcohol can make a person seem more confident. This can also lead to making friends with people who you can only relate to when you're drunk. This can be why a lot of friendships students make initially, break down towards the end of the first term or year.

What if you don't drink? This can be really hard, especially if you are surrounded by drinkers. Remember though that there are bound to be lots of other people in the same situation as you, you just need to find out where they socialise. Try going to more events in the day, where people are less likely to be drinking. Follow @CampusLifeSU on social media for lots of fun events that don't involve alcohol.

If you are joining University straight from your A-Levels, then you may find making friends a little harder than some of your peers. This could simply be because you might have had less practice than a mature student or a student who has been on a gap year, at meeting new people. Just think how good you will be at meeting new people after this experience though! Starting a new job after graduation will be a breeze in comparison.

It’s important to remember that you won’t be the only person feeling nervous meeting new people and it’s natural to feel intimidated and self-conscious. The first few weeks of term are an ideal time to make new friends as everyone is in the same situation and therefore more friendly, but most people meet more like-minded and long-term friends later on in their University journey. Don't be surprised if you meet your true circle of friends in your second or third year!

Practical tips & advice

Here are a few tips to improve your self-confidence and make new friends.

Tips for meeting new people
Remember that increasing your self-confidence is a process and will improve over time as you expose yourself to new situations, environments and people. Don't expect to ace it the first time. If someone else seems to find it so much easier than you, ask them for advice, this could be your way in to talk to someone!
Try making friends with similar interests. Sparking up a conversation with people in halls about what you enjoy, or joining societies and sports clubs for your interests, will help you to find people with things in common.
Try making friends with people in your flat by hanging around the communal areas. Offering to make people a cup of tea, your favourite recipe or leaving your door open when you are in, can all help. Remember, no one can meet you if you never leave your room!
Make friends with other people's friends! If your flatmate introduces you to someone they have met from their course or society, introduce yourself, they might be your next friend!
Talk to the person sitting next to you in class. Another tip is to not leave an empty seat in between you and the next person. Sit next to them and ask them something relevant to the course as an opener, then introduce yourself and go from there. You're bound to have something to talk about as you are studying the same thing!
Keep in mind that people make friends at different times during University. It also takes time for friendships to develop. It's ok to just have people to hang out with or go places with for the time being, if they don't all develop into friendships that’s ok, another one will.

Advice for meeting people for the first time
Take a deep breath, smile and be confident in who you are as a person. People say that confidence is an act and it breeds more confidence, so give it a go - maybe it will help you feel more confident in the future!
Focus on the other person, not on yourself. By focusing on them, you will distract yourself from your own nerves and will show genuine interest in them as a person.
Ask them something! Try and have a few go-to questions for when the conversation slows down. You can adapt some of these examples, 'Which halls are you living in?, Where are you from?, Do you know so and so? What are you studying?, Did you see that game/TV/movie/gig?, Are you going to this event/night out later?'.
Find out more about them. Once you have made a connection with someone, you should have a good idea of their likes and dislikes, so you can follow up the conversation with concrete plans.
If you seem to get on, suggest another meet up. This can be as simple as saving them a seat in the next lecture or going for a coffee, playing football or meeting them on a night out.

Where to go for further support

Support within the University

Faculty Student Information / Experience Team

You can contact the Student Information / Experience staff in your Faculty who can offer you practical advice, guidance, and signposting to appropriate services. They can also discuss the extenuating circumstances process with you should you need to use this. You can find a list of the contact details for Faculty Student Information / Experience staff here.

You can read more about the extenuating circumstances process here.

Listening Service

Faith@CampusLife's listening service offers a listening ear to whoever needs it – irrespective of religion, if any. These chats can happen via phone or video calling, whichever you feel most comfortable using. If you would like to speak to a particular member of the team then please indicate who that is when you contact them. To access this service please contact Listeningservice.campuslife@swansea.ac.uk

Wellbeing

Swansea University’s Wellbeing Service provides mental health and autistic spectrum condition (ASC) guidance and support to students: this includes one-to-one support with mental health and autism practitioners, mentors and counsellors, academic adjustments and self-help resources and courses. You can view the range of support available. You can also request support by completing the Wellbeing Support Request Form. The Wellbeing Service can be contacted by email at wellbeingdisability@swansea.ac.uk

Togetherall

Togetherall is a digital mental health service freely available at togetherall.com. Using your University email address, you can anonymously access support 24/7 with trained clinicians online at all times, as well as a range of helpful tools and resources. It is a safe place online to get things off your chest, have conversations, express yourself creatively and learn how to manage your mental health. You can access it here: https://www.swansea.ac.uk/wellbeing/togetherall/

Family & Friends

Don't underestimate the benefit of talking to your family and friends about how you are feeling. Sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved. Be careful not to depend on talking to your family and friends from home all the time though - you need to give yourself the chance to meet new friends!

Difficulty making friends